this really sucks

I cried my face off at work today saying bye to people. And my last day isn’t even until Thursday. I’m sort of an emotional WRECK right now!

Still Fighting It

This, I can honestly say, is the most difficult part of my life so far. Four years ago, I was starting high school and now I’m starting college. I was reminded of this last night when I was watching the Olympic Opening Ceremony and realized that in the last summer olympics, I was 14 and getting ready to go start a new chapter in my life, high school. I remember saying at one point that the next time the summer olympics came on I would be going to college, and look where I am. I am going to college in 8 days.

As far as saying goodbye, I’m horrible at it. Horrible, horrible, horrible. I wrote a blog post a couple months ago talking about how much I hate saying bye to people and I’ve never had to do so much of it in my life, until now. It is literally the hardest thing I’ve had to do and I haven’t even said goodbye to everyone yet.

I said bye to my neighbor/friend/mentor/mother-figure last night and it was horrible. I cried so much, and was honestly holding back. I could have sobbed for an hour. She has meant so much to me and I know that was just a taste of what saying bye to my dad and brother will be like.

Tonight, I had an employee meeting at work and stood up and told everyone how much I love them and will miss them, not without choking up of course, and thinking about leaving everyone really makes me want to just crawl in a hole and not come out. This week is going to be SO hard. I know it. I will cry every day, probably multiple times a day when I slowly say goodbye to everyone. Oh Lord, I’m not ready for this at all.

On a happier note, I am ready for college. I mean I may not be ready to be responsible for myself and for cooking and cleaning and studying and going to bed at reasonable hours and all the other semi-adult things I have to do, BUT I am ready for a change, even though I kind of hate them. I’m also ready to get over this guy I’ve been crushing on all summer. I really like him but hopefully some new guys at Auburn will turn my thoughts away from above-mentioned guy who has totally made me like him on purpose. It worked. Hopefully I learn not to fall for that kind of bs in college.

 

So, I’m sure I’ll post a few more of these blog posts about leaving and homesickness and starting college.

packing is not pleasant

It is really hard to pack up your life. I never expected it to be easy but I’m already sick of this and I really haven’t even started packing yet. I’m doing a pre-packing purge. I’ve always been kind of a pack rack and like to save things that I think I might need down the road or that might mean something at some point and tonight I just decided to throw it all out. Well, most of it anyway.

But this sucks. Hardcore. I’m going on 2 hours of cleaning/organzing/sort of packing and I’m just making a huge mess. And now I’m ready to go to bed but my room looks like a tornado just swept through it. Perfect.

 

ahhhhhhh

 

asdjfsafs

What’s My Age Again?

I’m a bit of an emotional wreck lately. I move for college in 25 days. Counting that on my calendar just made me want to burst into tears. I turn 18 in 4 days. Everything is changing so rapidly and I don’t remember anyone asking me if I was okay with it! Obviously, I can’t wait to go to college and have freedom and meet new friends and have so much fun, but I also CAN wait to have REAL responsibilities such as cooking, cleaning, waking myself up for class, and being in charge of myself. I’m better than a lot of my friends, because I’ve kind of grown up in a real laid back, independent, family but STILL. I’m also not ready to leave my friends. Four of my best friends are going to Alabama and I love pretending that I’ll see them a lot, but deep inside I know it won’t happen. It sucks. Don’t even get me started on leaving my coworkers and people at Newk’s. I sound like such a lame-o, but I honestly do not want to leave them! I have made some amazing friends at Newk’s and it seems sort of unfair that they just came into my life not even 8 months ago, and I’m about to be pulled away from them! Everything honestly kind of sucks right now. I don’t know if this is normal, but I’m not that excited about college yet. I’m just trying to take one day at a time. Leaving the people is going to be the hardest. I better start preparing myself because these next few weeks are going to be a bawl fest. Side story: I said that at work the other day and realized that it sounded like ball fest.. dirty dirty. Haha okay I’m off to go be more of en emotional wreck.

Maybe my next post will have more of a theme and be less of a ramble of emotions.

EDIT: wow, I forgot the post before this is kind of identical. Oh, well. Proves to y’all that I really am a wreck right now.