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I miss my family.

I miss my friends. Highschool friends. Best friends. Newks friends.

I miss walking the halls of Vestavia Hills High School.

I miss barely doing my work, and coming out with a 4.0.

I miss actually having relationships with my teachers.

I miss the embrace of my father, a man I will cherish forever. He has done so much for me this past year.

I miss having food cooked for me, clothes washed for me, and bills that didn’t have my name on them.

I miss driving. It was a type of therapy for me to drive around those sweet Vestavia hills blasting my music.

I miss my relationship with my mom.

I miss my brother, a lot.

I miss my wonderful rock and neighbor, Ms. Emily. She is the reason I had somewhat of a normal child and I’ll forever be grateful for her.

I miss working all the time and getting paychecks every other week.

I miss skipping first period senior year, so I could sleep in or get Panera.

I miss Young Life. I may not be the best Christian I should (and can) be but it helped me so much my last two years of high school.

I miss being engulfed in the friday night lights with my friends.

I miss the naivety of being a high schooler. College opens your eyes to so many more things, no matter how mature you thought you were before.

I miss having time to do absolutely nothing but watch 11 hours straight of One Tree Hill.

I miss having a curfew, and someone to answer to at home.

I miss homemade meals. My amateur homemade meals don’t compare to my parents.

I miss awesome Birmingham gems like Urban Standard and the Railroad Park.

I miss being in the place that shaped who I am.

I miss being a kid.

I miss home.

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In Your Atmosphere

Simply put, I am a mess. A complete. and utter, out of control, emotional wreck. One of my teachers told me before I graduated that this summer was going to be a fun one but also a confusing one. Boy, was she right. I feel out of place. I’m not a high school student, and not yet a college student. Well, if you want to get technical, I actually am officially enrolled at Auburn, but you know what I mean.

Tonight, my dad started talking to me about getting boxes together and I just lost it. I had to shut the door on his face and just bawl in my room. I can not handle the fact that in a MONTH, I will no longer be living in Birmingham, AL. I will no longer be surrounded by the same people I’ve been surrounded by for the last 18 years. I will leave way too many of my best friends. I will be leaving my coworkers. I will be leaving everything I know and I am NOT ready for it. Yeah, I am SO excited for college, but I’m not excited to have to adapt to the change, because that is something that I am horrible at. You might have noticed that if you’ve read any other posts on my blog.

After this past weekend, I’ve been especially depressed about leaving my Newks friends.We had a “graduation” party for the employees at my friend Karley’s house and it was really fun. It made me realize that some of the friends I’ve made at Newks are some of the best friends ever and that they mean so much more to me than I ever thought coworkers could mean to someone. Today, my manager was joking around about finding my “replacement” (which will never happen BTW because no one can replace me…:)) and I cried. It was a joke, but seriously thinking about leaving really depresses me.

There is also stuff going on in my life right now that really confuses me. Stuff I don’t reaaally want to get into on a blog that no one reads, but I am just so confused why it’s happening 1 month before I leave for college. Seriously. I’ve been so patient for 18 years, and I am put in this situation when I have one month left…? I don’t get my life sometimes.

 

Seriously, this post is ridiculous and really personal but whatevs. I needed to vent somewhere and I’m too busy to get out a pen and actually write in my journal…

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I MISS JAMAICA

I seriously miss it to much. The feeling won’t go away. This is probably the worst thing in the world. I miss the people the most. Knowing I won’t see them ever again (most likely) devastates me.

 

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Update

  • I saw the Avengers tonight, FINALLY! I am seriously ashamed it took me 3 whole weeks to see it! Robert Downey Jr. is too fine. Chris Evans is too fine. Chris Hemsworth is too fine. Mark Ruffalo is too fine. Jeremy Renner is too fine. Tom Hiddleston is too fine. Joss Whedon is an amazing director/writer. (I’m also kind of biased because he’s the creator of Buffy/Angel, but the Avengers was amazing, biased or not.)
  • I am done with high school. I graduate on the 22nd, thus beginning the awkward not-in-high-school yet not-in-college phase. I’m super excited for college, but I’m super not. Let’s not get onto the whole college topic yet. I’m sure half of my posts this summer will have something to do with college.
  • I love my friends, new and old. My friends from school are too awesome and I’m SO thankful for the friends I’ve made at work. I’m definitely going to cry when I move to Auburn and leave them.
  • I’m going to Jamaica in 12 days. I’ve never been out of the country and Jamaica may not be at the top of my list, but I’m ready to drink fruity drinks and sway with the island breeezes MON !!
  • I want to write for a television show. That might be my new, ultimate goal. Writing for Entertainment Weekly would be cool, too.
  • I’ve only broadcasted it to every single person I know, but I’m going to Comic-Con in San Diego this summer and I can’t contain my excitement.
  • I don’t really know what I’m doing right now, but I’m doing it.

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Things I’ll never understand about my generation

1) Music taste. Katy Perry, Rihanna, Ke$ha… need I say more? I honestly do not understand how anyone could enjoy their music. I am completely shocked that bands like Fun., Mumford & Sons, Coldplay and a few others worth a crap get air time on Top 40 stations because my generations taste in “good music” is horrific.

2) Bleach blonde hair paired with orange, leathery skin. Someone please tell me who thinks this looks good. I know people who look like this…

3) Jersey Shore love/fascination? The first season might have been funny, but why did people continue to watch? Are those dumb guidos really that interesting? GTL… come on now. I never have and never will understand why the Jersey Shore cast are relevent people in society. I will also never understand why people strive to look like them.

4) Being super skinny. I believe the picture explains it all.

I could go on for days. I guess I just have an old soul.

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Someway, baby, it’s part of me, apart from me

Today, I, a now-non current member of the National Honor Society, tapped a younger, now-current member in to the National Honor Society. It was very, very bittersweet. I can’t believe that a year ago, I was being tapped (by my amazing friend Natalie) and the fact that a year has gone by since then really freaks me out. It literally feels like yesterday! I swear it was. Now I’m a whole year older and not a member of the NHS anymore.

Life is going by way too fast. As you might be able to tell, I’m scared of getting older and scared of moving on. Of course, I want to experience all the things that come with age, but a part of me doesn’t. A big, big part of me wants to stay this age forever. The age that you aren’t really held accountable for your actions, when you have no bills to pay, when you can act like a retard and it be okay, when you can have creepy, stalker crushes on guys without it actually being considered creepy and stalkerish, when you’re in the best shape of your life, before the wrinkles form, and the gray hair, and the responsibilities, and the bills, and the job, and children. I want to stay at this age. The age where the world is calling your name, just waiting for you to make your mark on it. I don’t want to get old, I don’t want to grow up. I don’t want to have responsibilities. I want to stay young. Someone, please, tell me how to press pause. Or at least slow down because my life feels like it’s on fast forward and I do not like it.

“After all, life hasn’t much to offer except youth, and I suppose for older people, the love of youth in others.” -F. Scott Fitzgerald

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Content

I am pretty content with life lately. I feel like I’ve been happier overall (except at school, because its almost impossible for me to even smile there) these last couple of months. I love my friends, I love love my job, and you know what I’m not even going to lie, I think a huge part of all of my recent happiness is because of my job. Most people, probably even at least half of the people that work with me, hate their jobs but seriously y’all… I get happy walking into Newks ready for work. I LOVE the people I work with. They are AWESOME. It’s like I’ve made 60 new friends and they all genuinely care about me, which is refreshing because I spend 35 hours a week with the fakest of fake people at school.

This is my second I love my job it’s the best ever! post but I work about 6 times a week, so it’s kind of a huge part of my life and since nothing else that interesting happens to me, I feel like I have to post about work. A part of me really does not want to go off to college because that means I’ll have to leave Newks behind, which sucks. I realize I’ll have a Newks in Auburn to work at, but it will probably never be like the Newks that I’ve spent hundreds and hundreds of hours at since just December!

Long rambling post, short. I love Newks. I love my coworkers friends. I love getting away from my problems while I’m there and I love working with the hottest, nicest guy, pretty much ever.

 

EDIT: Wow after reading this, I need to take some of the money I make and go buy a life, PRONTO.

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Sleep

A few years ago, me and my friend Abigail went to the beach for a long weekend in October. The house we were staying at had access to the roof, which was flat, from our room so we took advantage like most people would. It was such a beautiful night. We just sat out there and watched the stars and talked on the phone and had fun doing absolutely nothing. We somehow got the idea to bring the mattress onto the roof and sleep out there. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Keep in mind, this was in October. Yes, we were at the beach but it got freezing that night. Absolutely freezing. We tripled up on sleeping bags and blankets but the wind would blow them off of us and we would wake up shivering. The next morning we woke up at sunrise, which was absolutely gorgeous. Even though it was freezing that night, I thought sleeping out there was worth it. It was really cool to be outside in “nature” (obviously being on a roof is not nature but we were 50 yards from the beach and under the stars) but I started to doubt our decision when I realized I had weird bug bites EVERYWHERE. At first I thought they were mosquito bites but those buggers would not go away for a month! They were so itchy and I have scars from those bites. I’m not even kidding.

All in all, it’s fun to talk about now. That was a fun beach trip. That was such a good year. I miss it.

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The Man Who Sold The World

I have a fascination with Kurt Cobain. I seriously am reading a biography about him. I don’t understand why I’m so interested in him, though. I’m not even a huge fan of Nirvana because I really don’t like his voice that much. I’ve just been sitting here reading about him, looking at pictures of him, and kind of pining over him for the past hour. It really depresses me how troubled he was. I never knew about all of the problems he had. And now that I think about it, I met a guy at a concert a few years ago who really looked like him…

That totally looks like him, right? Or am I crazy? This picture isn’t too good but he definitely looked like Kurt Cobain.

Oh, and on the topic of Nirvana… Dave Grohl was looking mighty fine at the Grammy’s.

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whoa mule

Things have been looking up lately. Nothing too exciting has happened but I’m pretty content.

This post is an update on life. Not like I get more than 10 views a day or anything, but to my 10 viewers… here is an update on life.

I’m sick of school. So sick of it. I’m sick of my classes. I’m sick of most of the people in them. I’m sick of pretending to be nice to people I don’t like, I’m sick of the dumbest class ever created, Forensics, I’m sick of my dumbass principle not letting us have senior skip day (well actually just threatening to not let us exempt exams if we participate), I’m sick of having to learn 45 German words every week, I’m sick of being in high school, I’m super sick of the douche bag guys at my school. School is literally just raping my good moods. It’s almost impossible for me to be in a good mood at school. Almost impossible.

Things I’m looking forward to…

The Hangout Festival. Graduation. College. Senior trip. summer. Comic-Con. Living on my own. Bonaroo possibly. Fleetwood Mac in 2012.

Other than school, life is pretty good.

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