Simply put, I am a mess. A complete. and utter, out of control, emotional wreck. One of my teachers told me before I graduated that this summer was going to be a fun one but also a confusing one. Boy, was she right. I feel out of place. I’m not a high school student, and not yet a college student. Well, if you want to get technical, I actually am officially enrolled at Auburn, but you know what I mean.
Tonight, my dad started talking to me about getting boxes together and I just lost it. I had to shut the door on his face and just bawl in my room. I can not handle the fact that in a MONTH, I will no longer be living in Birmingham, AL. I will no longer be surrounded by the same people I’ve been surrounded by for the last 18 years. I will leave way too many of my best friends. I will be leaving my coworkers. I will be leaving everything I know and I am NOT ready for it. Yeah, I am SO excited for college, but I’m not excited to have to adapt to the change, because that is something that I am horrible at. You might have noticed that if you’ve read any other posts on my blog.
After this past weekend, I’ve been especially depressed about leaving my Newks friends.We had a “graduation” party for the employees at my friend Karley’s house and it was really fun. It made me realize that some of the friends I’ve made at Newks are some of the best friends ever and that they mean so much more to me than I ever thought coworkers could mean to someone. Today, my manager was joking around about finding my “replacement” (which will never happen BTW because no one can replace me…:)) and I cried. It was a joke, but seriously thinking about leaving really depresses me.
There is also stuff going on in my life right now that really confuses me. Stuff I don’t reaaally want to get into on a blog that no one reads, but I am just so confused why it’s happening 1 month before I leave for college. Seriously. I’ve been so patient for 18 years, and I am put in this situation when I have one month left…? I don’t get my life sometimes.
Seriously, this post is ridiculous and really personal but whatevs. I needed to vent somewhere and I’m too busy to get out a pen and actually write in my journal…